I've been at home studying all day. My friend sent me this bomb ass new Erykah Badu song/music video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9hVp47f5YZg so I watched it to take a break from studying and all of a sudden my heart began to hurt.
It wasn't the content of the song, but the artistic beauty of the video that reminded me of my first love, an artist of course ... I have a dangerous pattern with artists. I didn't even know he was an artist when I met him, there's just something about em I guess, something subconscious.
That relationship ended about 4 months ago and I've been doin just fine without him, but sometimes it all comes back to me so suddenly eventho I don't want him back or love him anymore. I have done some writing about this healing process that is new to me and that I am analyzing as he pops up in my head randomly so I will post those when I feel ready. In chronological order ...
It always seems that long distance relationships are a bad idea, but when you are in one - you think that you can make it work, that yours is special and that it will last. I am now thinking that this is naive. But, it's all a learning experience.
I just found this quote that is so applicable to my life:
"The traveler cannot love, since love is stasis and travel is motion." Wolcott - I stumbled upon this while stalking my beautiful friend's facebook page, haha.
It makes me wonder if I can make it all work at the pace I'm going. If I can have all of the life I want: travel, education and career, love, children, family, and of course being active and organizing for the liberation of Palestine and all oppressed communities. Will I be forced to choose? How would I go about doing so??
Can we really have it all? Sometimes I am pessimistic, many times optimistic - but what do I really believe? How can we figure out what we really want?
Monday, April 19, 2010
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