Although I've yet to read Barack Obama's Dreams from My Father, I've been inspired to offer my own tales of race, inheritance, culture, and assimilation.
Like the proper Middle Eastern child, I revere and endlessly adore my feisty immigrant mother. Perhaps atypically, we have a simultaneously intense and irreverent relationship, and she is among my closest friends. She advises me on matters of the heart, education, finances, beauty, relationships, and countless other things (except sex, of course!). We are bluntly honest with one another, and this honesty mixed in with some linguistic fun leads to mighty fine advice and even louder laughter.
A few weeks ago, California's State Supreme Court ruled that prohibiting same-sex marriage is illegal. On her evening commute home, stuck in traffic in the San Fernando Valley, my mom calls me. Below is an approximate, but accurate, transcript.
Mama Jan: "I have heard the news today! Congratulations, Bianco! I am happy for my children and that this godforsaken country finally did something right."
Me: "Yeah, Mom, tell me about it. Now we have to beat the amendment on the ballot coming up in November."
Mama Jan: "What? What kind of stupid jahkesh would do such a thing?"
Me: "Republicans...Jesus freaks...the usual! So you'll have to get out and vote."
Mama Jan: "Oh, I will. I will force anyone who will listen to me, to go and beat this."
Me: "Good! Should you really be driv-"
Mama Jan: "Wait! So, when you get married someday, how will you do your taxes?"
Me: "It's quite complicated. You have to each file federal as single, but state as married filing jointly, and then a fourth ghost return."
Mama Jan: "This is the stupidest thing I have ever heard. What kind of freedom is this?"
Me: "I agree! Accountants will be rich!"
Mama Jan: "So...what happens if you get a divorce? Do you have to pay alimony, and child support?"
Me: "I assume so, yeah."
*pause*
Mama Jan: "OK, Bianca Jan. Just make sure, sign a pre-nup. Someday, you will have a lot of money. Love is important, but be smart! Protect yourself!"
Please stay tuned for more wise advice, as I intend to make "Lessons from Mama Jan" an ongoing feature here at Wayward Middle Eastern Girls.
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