Camping and Vacations

What is the point of camping, this mysterious ritual which leads millions of otherwise well-intending Americans into the "wilderness" to sleep outside, forsake personal hygiene, and embrace the destruction of marshmallows? Personally, I am not inclined to participate. I've spoken with a variety of other WMEGs who concur: camping gives them the creeps.

Why sleep outside? Did our parents come to this country, in many cases as refugees, for us to sleep on dirt? Of course, sleeping on the floor in a room full of anywhere between 6-9 siblings and/or cousins is acceptable. Family is important. Furthermore, what is so enticing about being dirty? We like getting dirty, but not literally, just figuratively (and preferably, sensually). And how could we go for so long without access to full-length mirrors?

Please don't mistake these feelings as disdain for the outdoors. Acceptable outdoor activities include playing football (real football); shopping in outdoor areas like farmer's markets, swap meets, or the overwhelmingly bland malls of Southern California; lying around in a park to drink, smoke, and make out; gardening (because you can't trust the herbs and vegetables from the supermarket); picnicking with 25 of your immediate family members. Our ancestors are laborers. We are people of the sun. But this is America, goddammit, and we're not sleeping outside!

Perhaps this fascination with camping can be attributed to the general attitude toward "vacation." What is vacation to a Middle Eastern family living in America? Allow me to introduce the options, and imagine your own parents' voices echoing through your memory:

1. Vacation? Is this a new word?
2. We are not going anywhere this summer, because you will spend it learning your multiplication tables all the way up to the 12s. I did it back home, and you're going to do it here. I don't care if you're 8 years old!
3. Vacation? We will pile into a van borrowed from your uncle Amir/Serouj/Kian and drive all over within a 300 mile radius visiting all the Arab/Armenian/Persian families we can schedule within a 5 day period.
4. Vacation? Oh, yes! We need to escape from your overbearing grandparents, so we'll book 2 nights at the dinkiest hotel honoring AAA discounts. And it's only 100 miles away, in case something happens. And something will happen - someone will fall ill or fake it - and we'll cut it short. Or we won't be able to handle the excessive phone calls making sure everyone's all right. And we'll cut it short.
5. Vacation, yes! We are going back home. For six weeks, in the heat of summer.

So...yeah. No room for sleeping outdoors there!